The Devil’s in the Details


There’s a reason that I’ve been focusing on the changes that have taken place in my life – I believe they are changes that one can fully expect when they lose the kind of weight I have and am working toward. That means you take any person who is near my height and over 500 pounds, I can point out to you many of the difficulties that he’s going through, difficulties that make his days very long ones, never ending, it seems. And I can point out the changes that he will experience over time.

 

These are important; if I could have met someone that had gone through what I had, I would have had a lot more hope!

 

One of the biggest changes I’ve faced is in the details. That might require a bit of explanation – you see, there’s one thing that really brings someone of morbid obesity down, and that is the details. I don’t mean the details in the meaning of the word “morbid”, I mean the details of the day. Every day you deal with details. You wake up and there’s things to do to prepare for your day. You get up, tidy up, get your clothes ready, make the bed, go out of the room and get ready for some breakfast.

You might not even realize you’ve done all this. It’s just your morning routine. Or is it? Did I mentioned visitng the “necessary” and brushing your teeth, among other things? What about getting the kids up? Imagine, for a moment, writing in a notebook, you are making a list over EVERYTHING you do within the first 20 minutes of getting out of bed. How long is that list? If you don’t think it’s that long, give it me to and let me point out a few things you missed. I bet I can double the size of your list.

 

And there’s details at breakfast too! First you have to get the dishes and the silverware. If you get one of these, but forget another, that’s something you’ll have to come back for. If you carry so much weight on your body that most of your activity in the kitchen is done from a chair (sitting), you’ll have to get up every time you forget something. Every time you get up, that’s exercise, and you only have so much energy for exercise. I know that my short term memory was crap, worse than it is now, so there were a lot of interruptions to fix things I’d forgotten.

Once you’ve made your food and have it ready to eat, you can eat, but there are still details. No one’s going to be pleased if you just dump your dishes in the sink and leave them there, or worse, abandon them on the counter! Let’s not forget the stress you will endure as someone rips you a new one. Someone that really would rather not have to deal with you anyway. And if you live alone, this type of behavior won’t bode well for you. It is not a healthy living situation.

 

The day of a person going through morbid obesity, who is multiple hundreds of pounds overweight is going to be loaded with details like this. And there will likely be someone, if you live with anyone (likely even if you aren’t), who will be reminding you of all kinds of other things you have to do, not to mention things you forgot to do along your way, things you’ve left out, maybe some laundry that wasn’t completely finished. And it’s always in some other part of the house – traveling. Just wearing yourself out all day long.

 

If you’ve not been there, then you may not get it. This may sound like incessant whining to you – “Oh, all day long, just never ends, waaaaahhhh!” I don’t know that there’s a good way to imagine what it’s like, either. Could you imagine strapping 300 or 400 pounds worth of sandbags to your body and trying to carry on with your day? That’s the best description I can really give.

 

But if you’ve been there, or you are there, then I’m sure you know exactly what I’m talking about. And you’ve probably been there, in that place, pulling your hair out, thinking the worst of the people around you because they won’t f-ing leave you alone! Every time you turn around there’s someone bothering you about something else that needs to be done! And now you’ve got to get your ass up and go get that done too! Hell, half of these things aren’t even your problem, YOU’VE got things to do as well, you know!

 

Then, at the same time as they are wearing you out, they are bitching about what kind of shape you’re in, what a shame it is that you disrespect your body like that, etc… They can go on forever sometimes.

 

So, my point in dragging all this out? It gets better. These are problems I just don’t deal with anymore. It’s not like at some point I just said “NO!” and quit dealing with it. The details became minor details. It’s not such a chore anymore to do every little thing. It isn’t a big deal to go up two floors to take care of some problem. It used to be that just the stairs would wipe me out, and I’d need to rest for a minute before I even got around to what I went up there to do.

It also doesn’t hurt that the people I live with have seen the changes I’ve gone through as well. They’ve seen my day improve greatly. From my perspective, it feels like there’s just less to do, but I’m doing the same amount. Things that I used to actually have to think about and do, I don’t have to think about so much anymore. Things that took a lot of effort before take none now! And the people I live with… I don’t know, I guess they see that I wasn’t just a lazy bastard all those years, that I actually COULDN’T do what they expected or tried to expect of me.

 

That alone feels sort of vindicating.

 

Now I look forward to doing chores because most of them make for good exercise. If one of the details isn’t good exercise, it’s still not a big deal, that just means it’s easier than most of the chores, and I’ll be done with it sooner.

 

Now that the details aren’t such a big part of my day, they don’t stress me out as much anymore.

 

What’s more, I find that I’m more capable of doing things that I need to get done. There was a time that I might be asked to do something and it just WOULD NOT get done. I remember a few years ago I worked out a deal with my folks. I would go through all the potted pine trees they had on the property, weed out the dead ones and plant the living ones.

 

I got a good amount of the living ones planted. Just going through the dead ones and weeding out the pots took longer than I could have imagined. I took everything back to the back of the property for planting. A year later I found the shovel and a bunch of pots at the rear of the property. I’d apparently given up. I don’t even remember. I’d tried to just put in as much work each day as I could and make the job stretch out, but every day I had to out and deal with that I had to put a lot of energy into it and that took away from what else I could get done throughout the day. And if I wasn’t getting enough done to satisfy those around me, I had to deal with that too. I can’t even imagine how many days I must have pulled up to that spot in the truck, parked, and just sat there looking at the project, not coming up with the energy to get up and do it, dreading the rest of the day to come.

 

I’m sure there were days like that at the end, I’m sure I wore myself out over it, and each day I’d think “I’ll come back tomorrow and finish it then.” One of those tomorrows, I must have managed to forget about it.

 

But over the past few summers, I’ve seen growth in what I’m capable of. I’ve seen myself going from the guy that looks helplessly on the tasks he is supposed to perform and cultivate self-loathing, to the person that could actually do a few things before that hopelessness took over, and through gradual improvement, I see myself now. I can still overdo it at this stage of the game. I’ve found myself just sitting there, staring at tasks I have to do, but now I realize, I’m doing too much, need to redefine how I’m going to do it and slow this down. I might even need to consider that this job is too big for me to do alone right now.

 

I imagine that next summer, I will yet again be amazed at what I’m capable of, and hope that I’ll be reporting you again how much my abilities have improved in just a year… and another hundred pounds, I hope!

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes!


I’ve noticed a trend over the past decade. Perhaps it’s been going on for a long time, it’s just that I’ve only noticed it in the past ten years or so – “diet” is a dirty word. You go to Weight Watchers and what do they tell you? “You are NOT on a diet! We don’t do that here!” Most of the “diet books” out there claim that they are not, in fact, diet books! No one wants to be associated with the word “diet”. And it has little to do with the word itself, but instead, what’s been done with that word.

If you’ve ever tried to lose weight and dealt with one of these… I don’t know what you’d call them… “non-dieters”? Well, if you’ve dealt with them, you’ve probably heard them say “Diets don’t work!”. So you call it something else? That makes it all better, does it?

Really, they’re just trying to stand out from those who put out ineffective diets and promise results that you really shouldn’t expect. And when you’re in the business of making honest money off of another person’s problems, I guess you need to distinguish yourself from the shady side of the business as much as you can.

Still, a diet’s a diet. Actually, a diet is the food you eat, whether you want to lose weight or not. A diet plan is really what they’re all talking about – a specific set of foods and manner of eating them, with the purpose of achieving a goal. I don’t know if that’s how Webster would put it, but that seems to be the best definition, to me. Using that definition, we could make the argument that a person that wants to gain weight, and does so by changing the foods he eats, is on a diet – that’s true. One might also suggest that all vegans are on diets… I suppose when they first make the choice to try veganism, then yes, they are on a diet. If they choose to accept it as their way of life, then it’s no longer a diet, it’s their diet – their Normal diet.

That’s where some of the diet people get their validity: if you want to lose a lot of weight, and not gain it back, “you have to make a lifestyle change!” Unfortunately, many people hear that and try to jump right into one. I think a very effective way to do it is to identify key points in the life of the average healthy person. How do they eat, how do they exercise, how do they live their life in general? Choose what elements one would like in their own life, eventually. Then sit down and figure out how we’re going to get there.

I can’t tell you the answers to most of those, but I can give you an idea of how to get there, and only because I’m finally starting to figure it out for myself – SMALL changes. How small? AS SMALL AS YOU NEED.

My folks have asked a few times why, suddenly, I’m losing weight now, and all these years before, I’ve been able to do nothing but gain weight, and at best, maintain the weight I had. I blame it on Dr. Eeks. That doesn’t satisfy their curiosity.

So, after thinking about it, I’ve come to the conclusion that her approach is what made the big difference. I don’t like to think like that. I’d rather take responsibility for my own failures. Up until I worked with Erin, I thought there was actually something wrong with me – I just couldn’t manage to lose weight. There were things wrong with me – my metabolism, which was just about non-existent, for example. The problem was that I couldn’t get past them.

I had worked with a number of people. Nutitionists, gym trainers, doctors, etc… I’d been to Weight Watchers, I’d tried Nutrisystem, tried Slim Fast… I’ve read a small library of diet books, all to no avail. Hell, one of the trainers I’d worked with was a Mr. USA, or Universe, or World, or whatever the hell he’d won. Basically, the guy was a walking muscle, who wanted to help people lose weight.

The thing is, each person I’d worked with was a lot like the books I read – from my perspective, they gave me their plan, told me to use it, and if I found something that wasn’t working for me, I felt like I might as well have tried talking to one of the diet books. The only difference is a book won’t give you that disappointed look-and-sigh. I got a lot of “I can’t make you do anything you don’t want to” and things along those lines.

Now, don’t get me wrong – Dr. Eeks always let me know that the ball is in my court, and that it’s up to me, but I didn’t hear that when I came to her with a change I wanted to make. In fact, I mostly heard it from her when I was doing good – it was said as encouragement! Instead, when I would call her to tell her I wanted to make a change, which I DREADED at first, because of my prior experiences, she would be totally open. She’d want to know about the problem I was having, and sometimes she’d make suggestions, sometimes she’d just want to know what kind of change I’d like to make. And she was usually good with that change. I left those phone conversations feeling wonderful and hopeful about the change I was going to make.

Now, when I’d worked with other people, they usually still “let” me make the change, but they also let me know how unhappy they were about it. Even at Weight Watcher’s – “Fine, we can’t make you do anything you don’t want to, but THIS is how the program works… THIS is how you get success. Good luck with the change you’re making.” What a bunch of cheerleaders.

So, what’s all this leading up to, besides potential transference? Specifically – my eating habits.

I’ve been beating myself up over the way I’ve eaten lately. Forget the fact that I can’t log the food I eat to save my life. When I started working with Erin, it was her intention to get me to eat regularly – 3 meals a day, with a few small snacks thrown in. If I was going to skip any meals, it HAD to be lunch or dinner – NEVER breakfast.

Well, I’ve been pretty successful at eating breakfast for some time, now. But I’ve really been riding myself because I’ve skipped lunch on a regular basis, and sometimes not really eating dinner, either. Instead, I eat here and there. I sat down last night to work out a plan to remedy this and realized that there may not be any good reason to do so.

After all, isn’t eating many times, in small amounts, considered to be healthy, and good for ones metabolism? Isn’t it something that is commonly lauded by amateurs and professionals alike as a major key to weight loss? I’ve finally hit the stage, I think, where I can do this; I’ve been doing it, without even realizing it!

So, this is the direction I’m heading toward now, and I’ll be letting you know how it goes, as time goes on.

JOKE OF THE DAY

I recently was contacted by the police, who wanted to know if I could help the with the whereabouts of my good friend Tim. I wasn’t of much help. The last time I heard from Tim he’d missed his wife’s birthday and was really in the doghouse. In fact, his wife had told him that he had 24 hours to put something in their driveway for her, that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds, or he was done.

I was a little surprised at the look on the cop’s face. I asked him what was wrong – while the couldn’t find Tim anywhere, they did notice a brand new scale at his house…

TODAY’S WORKOUT

Basically a walking day. I actually tried jumping jacks. Um… no. Definitely not a healthy option right now. In any case, I walked around the house for over ten minutes, then decided to take my walk outside. Didn’t take the dogs with me. That simplified things. I could simplify things more if I ever get my music onto my phone, but I can’t find the right cable for that at this time, and I’m having difficulties pairing my phone with my PC. I have to get to work on that.

Anyway, I did some 5 laps up and down the driveway, and felt pretty good. I don’t feel so good now. My back is threatening to go on strike, but I’m just going to have to work through this, to keep losing weight, and get ready for that 5k this October.

TODAY’S SPECIAL

SheBANGS deals with disappointment from a slight plateau. Of course, the truth is that she IS doing wonderfully.

The Better Man Project shares his thoughts for old friends of time past.

Fooodimentary reports that we recently passed National Oatmeal Cookie Day.

SOME THINGS BEAUTIFUL

Two more from Photobotos. The first is… how I describe this… it’s not just beautiful, it looks magical!

Here’s a great picture of some monkeys just chillin’.