All posts tagged joke of the day

A Late Post for a Late Morning


I have to work on fixing my internal clock. I have been working on this, but it’s all been thrown awry since Saturday night, which I believe I mentioned in yesterday’s update. Last night I was up until shortly before sunrise again. I am reminded of Billy Joel’s “I’ve Loved These Days”, specifically the line “… we’re sleeping long and far too late” – I did end up sleeping closer to ten hours than 8. I’m not sure that I can help that. I may need the extra sleep, I don’t know. Who knows what’s right for a person that’s almost 300 pounds overweight?

Oh, speaking of weight, I hopped on the scale after my workout this morning and had a reading of 439! That takes us out of the 440s, which means that I have completely fulfilled the goal I had of reaching 440 by beginning-to-mid-April. It’s time for a new goal. I want to hit 390 by the beginning of September. I’ll be satisfied with 400, but I want to see 390. As usual, the standard consequences apply – if I’m not able to get close to this goal, I’m going to have to go back to considering weight loss surgery, which has been put on indefinite hold, for the time being.

I do believe that I’ll be able to avoid surgery. I believe that I can get this weight off myself, by eating right, exercising, and persevering, even through the setbacks. I don’t believe in bad plateaus. I see a plateau as a good thing. It’s a sign that I’m able to maintain the weight that I’ve lost. Perhaps that’s part of the reason that I’ve been so lucky to have such short plateaus.

Well, there’s not much more to say. My friend is still in the hospital, and I need to go visit. I’d like to thank Nick and Emilio, members of our local congregation, who responded to the call for a blessing, and met me at the hospital late last night. I know my friend appreciated it greatly, as do I.

As for my sleep troubles, I think I’m going to put in today’s second workout around midnight – 20-30 minutes of walking, either inside or outside. And if I feel I can manage it, and it will help, maybe a little extra. That might give me a few hours of energy, but I figure around 3 or 4 AM, I should be out like a light.

JOKE OF THE DAY

I’d like to thank The South Jersey Deviler for today’s joke, since I lifted it from his publication (he doesn’t know yet). If you like a good laugh, check out the site. You can read a few pages from his monthly newspaper – which is always dedicated to humor! If you live in or around New Jersey, you may be able to find the paper at his advertiser’s locations, for free. If not, but you like the paper, you can have it delivered for the sum of $21 per year (As Alfred E. Neuman would say – “Cheap!”)

And now for the joke:
“Signs from Hotels around the World. In a Japanese hotel:
‘You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.’”

So… anyone else making travel arraignments to Japan?

 

TODAY’S WORKOUT

Today’s workout was simple – indoor walking laps for 30 minutes. My shoulders were killing me by the time I was done, but I’m so glad I did it. Now I have to get some breakfast down me and get going!

TODAY’S SPECIAL

I made Brussels Sprouts for dinner last night (if you want to argue about the spelling, please refer to the link), just dumping them in the pot with a little water, letting it boil, then dropping the heat to low for a while. That’s how we’ve always made them, and we love them, but I got to thinking – can’t there be a better way to make these babies? My philosophy is that any question you can possibly think of has probably been asked before, and on the internet, at that. Google let me to this – Rantings of an Amateur Chef, which has a great way to make these tasty veggies even better!

NK24/7 gives us some much needed help with our heartburn.

SOME THINGS BEAUTIFUL

Photobotos gives us what I call “God’s Swimming Pool”.

A blog I’ve recently started reading, called “Serene One”, gives us images of Spring.

by gendjlee on March 26, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Health, Weight Loss, Medical Care, Goals
Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Posted by gendjlee on March 26, 2012

http://exercisedammit.com/2012/03/26/a-late-post-for-a-late-morning/

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes!


I’ve noticed a trend over the past decade. Perhaps it’s been going on for a long time, it’s just that I’ve only noticed it in the past ten years or so – “diet” is a dirty word. You go to Weight Watchers and what do they tell you? “You are NOT on a diet! We don’t do that here!” Most of the “diet books” out there claim that they are not, in fact, diet books! No one wants to be associated with the word “diet”. And it has little to do with the word itself, but instead, what’s been done with that word.

If you’ve ever tried to lose weight and dealt with one of these… I don’t know what you’d call them… “non-dieters”? Well, if you’ve dealt with them, you’ve probably heard them say “Diets don’t work!”. So you call it something else? That makes it all better, does it?

Really, they’re just trying to stand out from those who put out ineffective diets and promise results that you really shouldn’t expect. And when you’re in the business of making honest money off of another person’s problems, I guess you need to distinguish yourself from the shady side of the business as much as you can.

Still, a diet’s a diet. Actually, a diet is the food you eat, whether you want to lose weight or not. A diet plan is really what they’re all talking about – a specific set of foods and manner of eating them, with the purpose of achieving a goal. I don’t know if that’s how Webster would put it, but that seems to be the best definition, to me. Using that definition, we could make the argument that a person that wants to gain weight, and does so by changing the foods he eats, is on a diet – that’s true. One might also suggest that all vegans are on diets… I suppose when they first make the choice to try veganism, then yes, they are on a diet. If they choose to accept it as their way of life, then it’s no longer a diet, it’s their diet – their Normal diet.

That’s where some of the diet people get their validity: if you want to lose a lot of weight, and not gain it back, “you have to make a lifestyle change!” Unfortunately, many people hear that and try to jump right into one. I think a very effective way to do it is to identify key points in the life of the average healthy person. How do they eat, how do they exercise, how do they live their life in general? Choose what elements one would like in their own life, eventually. Then sit down and figure out how we’re going to get there.

I can’t tell you the answers to most of those, but I can give you an idea of how to get there, and only because I’m finally starting to figure it out for myself – SMALL changes. How small? AS SMALL AS YOU NEED.

My folks have asked a few times why, suddenly, I’m losing weight now, and all these years before, I’ve been able to do nothing but gain weight, and at best, maintain the weight I had. I blame it on Dr. Eeks. That doesn’t satisfy their curiosity.

So, after thinking about it, I’ve come to the conclusion that her approach is what made the big difference. I don’t like to think like that. I’d rather take responsibility for my own failures. Up until I worked with Erin, I thought there was actually something wrong with me – I just couldn’t manage to lose weight. There were things wrong with me – my metabolism, which was just about non-existent, for example. The problem was that I couldn’t get past them.

I had worked with a number of people. Nutitionists, gym trainers, doctors, etc… I’d been to Weight Watchers, I’d tried Nutrisystem, tried Slim Fast… I’ve read a small library of diet books, all to no avail. Hell, one of the trainers I’d worked with was a Mr. USA, or Universe, or World, or whatever the hell he’d won. Basically, the guy was a walking muscle, who wanted to help people lose weight.

The thing is, each person I’d worked with was a lot like the books I read – from my perspective, they gave me their plan, told me to use it, and if I found something that wasn’t working for me, I felt like I might as well have tried talking to one of the diet books. The only difference is a book won’t give you that disappointed look-and-sigh. I got a lot of “I can’t make you do anything you don’t want to” and things along those lines.

Now, don’t get me wrong – Dr. Eeks always let me know that the ball is in my court, and that it’s up to me, but I didn’t hear that when I came to her with a change I wanted to make. In fact, I mostly heard it from her when I was doing good – it was said as encouragement! Instead, when I would call her to tell her I wanted to make a change, which I DREADED at first, because of my prior experiences, she would be totally open. She’d want to know about the problem I was having, and sometimes she’d make suggestions, sometimes she’d just want to know what kind of change I’d like to make. And she was usually good with that change. I left those phone conversations feeling wonderful and hopeful about the change I was going to make.

Now, when I’d worked with other people, they usually still “let” me make the change, but they also let me know how unhappy they were about it. Even at Weight Watcher’s – “Fine, we can’t make you do anything you don’t want to, but THIS is how the program works… THIS is how you get success. Good luck with the change you’re making.” What a bunch of cheerleaders.

So, what’s all this leading up to, besides potential transference? Specifically – my eating habits.

I’ve been beating myself up over the way I’ve eaten lately. Forget the fact that I can’t log the food I eat to save my life. When I started working with Erin, it was her intention to get me to eat regularly – 3 meals a day, with a few small snacks thrown in. If I was going to skip any meals, it HAD to be lunch or dinner – NEVER breakfast.

Well, I’ve been pretty successful at eating breakfast for some time, now. But I’ve really been riding myself because I’ve skipped lunch on a regular basis, and sometimes not really eating dinner, either. Instead, I eat here and there. I sat down last night to work out a plan to remedy this and realized that there may not be any good reason to do so.

After all, isn’t eating many times, in small amounts, considered to be healthy, and good for ones metabolism? Isn’t it something that is commonly lauded by amateurs and professionals alike as a major key to weight loss? I’ve finally hit the stage, I think, where I can do this; I’ve been doing it, without even realizing it!

So, this is the direction I’m heading toward now, and I’ll be letting you know how it goes, as time goes on.

JOKE OF THE DAY

I recently was contacted by the police, who wanted to know if I could help the with the whereabouts of my good friend Tim. I wasn’t of much help. The last time I heard from Tim he’d missed his wife’s birthday and was really in the doghouse. In fact, his wife had told him that he had 24 hours to put something in their driveway for her, that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds, or he was done.

I was a little surprised at the look on the cop’s face. I asked him what was wrong – while the couldn’t find Tim anywhere, they did notice a brand new scale at his house…

TODAY’S WORKOUT

Basically a walking day. I actually tried jumping jacks. Um… no. Definitely not a healthy option right now. In any case, I walked around the house for over ten minutes, then decided to take my walk outside. Didn’t take the dogs with me. That simplified things. I could simplify things more if I ever get my music onto my phone, but I can’t find the right cable for that at this time, and I’m having difficulties pairing my phone with my PC. I have to get to work on that.

Anyway, I did some 5 laps up and down the driveway, and felt pretty good. I don’t feel so good now. My back is threatening to go on strike, but I’m just going to have to work through this, to keep losing weight, and get ready for that 5k this October.

TODAY’S SPECIAL

SheBANGS deals with disappointment from a slight plateau. Of course, the truth is that she IS doing wonderfully.

The Better Man Project shares his thoughts for old friends of time past.

Fooodimentary reports that we recently passed National Oatmeal Cookie Day.

SOME THINGS BEAUTIFUL

Two more from Photobotos. The first is… how I describe this… it’s not just beautiful, it looks magical!

Here’s a great picture of some monkeys just chillin’.

by gendjlee on March 23, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Diet, Eating, Food, Nutrition, Weight Loss
Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Posted by gendjlee on March 23, 2012

http://exercisedammit.com/2012/03/23/changes/

Morning Improvement


I’m feeling pretty decent today. I got up, did my mantra, had some coffee, and got to the business of exercising. After that I had some breakfast, and treated myself to a little Rita’s Water Ice (mmm… Mango!) afterward. On the way home from Rita’s I was thinking about how to best improve my time management.

I’ve successfully come up with a very basic and easy to use daily schedule – it’s basically a blank page with lines on it. I write in what I intend to do, or what I’ve done during the day. I have more ambitions for it, but I need to go slow and get used to it. I tried scheduling a whole bunch of stuff for a few days, and what I found was that I’m just not ready for all that. I need to spend some time, maybe a few weeks, just getting used to using the agenda on a daily basis – recording what I’ve done, more than scheduling what I want to do, and prioritizing the things that I need to do.

Still, doing so is a little frustrating because I’m not getting nearly as much done with my days as I’d like. I decided that if I’m to improve my days, I need to start with the morning. Mine starts around 11AM, lately. That’s mostly because I get to bed late. I’d probably be more interested in going to bed earlier if I got more accomplished during the day – I’d be too tired to stay up late! But before I can walk…

So, instead of worrying about what time I get up, I’m going to focus on the things that must be done EVERY MORNING, before anything else gets done (visiting the restroom is a reasonable exception). The things I have come up with, in order:

  1. Reading my mantra out loud

  2. Coffee with 1 food item

  3. Get workout music ready

  4. Warmup, exercise, cooldown

  5. Shower

One problem I currently have in trying to get these things done is the computer. Each morning, I wake up with the intention of getting up and working out, but I need to set up my music, to help me get going. That’s on my computer, because I’ve never had much use for an mp3 player. I have one, somewhere. If it still works… I don’t know. So I have to open my laptop, and when I do that, I, inevitably, get distracted. After all, my curiosity demands satisfaction – any new e-mail I should know about? What about Facebook? Oh, look – today’s blogs are in my e-mail, I could take a minute to go through them. Ooh, and there’s some really good article finds on Facebook, let me take a look at them.

Suddenly, I realize I’ve been up for an hour and a half and haven’t even read my mantra – which is also on my laptop.

Remedy – I have a droid. While my exercise playlist is on iTunes, and apparently, you can’t get iTunes on a Droid, all of my iTunes songs (yes, all of them) have been converted to a non-protected format – meaning I can put them on any device I damm well please. And I can print out the mantra and put it in a page protector. That means I don’t need to open that laptop until I’m finished with the above list. To help me control that, I’m going to try to remember to shut the laptop down completely at night.

I’m making “Morning Improvement” an immediate goal, so I’ll let you know how it’s going.

On a separate note – I’m removing the food journal and exercise archive from the menu. The archive has outlived its usefulness. I’ve made my daily workouts a feature of the daily blog post. As long as I can meet the demand of a daily post, we don’t need separate documentation, and it’s been long enough since I created that feature.

As for the food journal, there’s no respectable reason for that – I simply don’t keep up with it. However, as I mentioned above, I am working on using my agenda every day – recording my meals and snacks will be a part of that. Once I get good at doing that, I hope to restore the food journal.

JOKE OF THE DAY

Introduction: I’m getting close to finishing Ben Franklin’s biography. It’s quite a thick book, and at some point I began to think that I’d never get close to the end of his life. Amazing to realize that it’s really only a collection of his highlights. In any case, I was reading recently about some of his famous chess matches. Much of his humor came out during these matches, indeed these games may have marked the best of his wit.

He played some notable games in France, while he worked as an American Ambassador trying to get more support from France to the American cause. All the while, Washington was leading men into battle, and losing more often than he won. Support from France was tricky, because, while they hated England, they believed in the unquestionable right of a king to rule. In supporting America, they felt as though they were condoning rebellion against a crown.

Franklin, ever the diplomat, did his best to quell these concerns, but occasionally let his guard down.

The Joke: So, Franklin’s playing a match against one of France’s elite ladies and he noticed that she has placed her king in check, which is against regulations. He should have informed her of her mistake and let her make another move, but Franklin liked to play loose with the rules sometimes. He then took the king, which got him this response – “We do not take kings!” He slyly retorted “We do, in America.”

TODAY’S WORKOUT

This morning’s workout was good. I haven’t really been timing them lately. I do my warmup (stretching and loosening up), then I do about 5 laps to kick off the workout. Since I’m in training for a 5k, I’ve upped that to ten laps. That’s inside the house. When I do laps up and down the driveway, I do less, because the driveway is longer than a full lap inside the house.

Yesterday, I just kept on walking, but today I cut it off at ten and got to doing my blocks and punches – 20 lower blocks in place with the legs spread apart and knees slightly bent, 20 punches, same way. Then I do walking lower blocks – I’ll have to make it a video, in case anyone doesn’t understand. Basically, I step forward and make the block. About ten of those in one direction, then ten punches walking the other direction. Another ten up and back, and I’m back to doing my blocks in place.

Then I do about 5 laps around the house, but this time, I do a normal walking lap, a lap of walking low blocks, another normal lap, a lap of walking punches, and finish with another normal lap. Today, I increased the action laps to double laps.That makes a total of 7 laps around.

I got as far as doing the upper blocks, and another set of laps around the house, followed by getting down on the floor and working on my core – it needs so much help. I can’t do leg lifts, I’m sure my hernia would have a field day with that, but I got pretty close to pedaling my feet while on my back. Felt pretty good, too!

The only problem is Buddha, our puppy (and mascot!) thinks I’m down there to play. I ignored her for a little while until my hand was covered in slobber. Time to get up!

I decided to go for my cooldown, but the dogs made things difficult. I’m not happy with today’s cooldown. I hate to take one over the other, but it seems that’s the way it’s going to have to go.

TODAY’S SPECIAL

It may seem like I just read the same blogs over and over and push their stuff here. Yeah, that’s kind of how it works, but I do add to the list of blogs I read as I have time. I’m working on a new one, now, and if I find her posts useful, or feel that they could be useful to you, they’ll start getting posted here as well! So keep checking, I’m sure you can find something valuable.

Foodimentary covers “National Water Day“, along with “An Overview of Drinking Water“.

SheBANGS gives a tip that’s often talked about and has some benefits in “… Lose Your Utensils“

NK 24/7 shares 8 known carcinogens often found in the home. I wouldn’t suggest you eliminate these from your home, but it’s definitely something to think about.

SOME THINGS BEAUTIFUL

This photo, taken in Scotland, reminds me very much of the film “What Dreams May Come”, with Robin Williams.

Here’s another from… you guessed it, Photobotos, but it’s a little different. Check it out.

by gendjlee on March 22, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Exercise, Food, Goals, Scheduling, Weight Loss
Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

Posted by gendjlee on March 22, 2012

http://exercisedammit.com/2012/03/22/morning-improvement/

Flirt Your Way to Health


I had with the Doctor today. I told him about this blog (among other things, I really didn’t show up at his office just to tell him about this place), so I may get myself into a bit of trouble, if he decides to read this. After we’d finished up, he took my paperwork to the receptionist’s desk and I waited to be called on. The young lady that called me was a fine looker – built well, meaning that she looks like can beat you up one side and down the other, and also VERY attractive.

I noticed as she was going through my paperwork that her hands were bare – no jewelry. I stuck my nose in and asked “No ring?”, and after confirmation, queried further “How’d that happen?” Life, she told me. I thought for a second and told her “Let me drop another hundred pounds and we’ll see if we can’t do something about that.”

She made a comment about her own weight and I expressed my appreciation for her physical qualities which I already mentioned above. This got her co-workers giggling and she handed me a form to sign as I gave her my new insurance card to copy.

She told me to make sure all the information on the paper was correct before signing and I took a few seconds to check it over. Seeing that everything was fine I said “Yup. Looks good to me!” That brought more laughter from her office-mates and confusion from me. I looked up and realized that she was across the room, with her back to me, bent over the copy machine.

“Oh, I uh, I meant the form is fine!” More laughter ensued. She turned around, beet red and I decided to quit before I said something REALLY dumb. She said she’d be blushing all day now, and I couldn’t help commenting on how well it matches the red scrubs she was wearing.

We all had a few more giggles, she gave me my card and I gave her the paper I’d signed, and I have to tell you – I walked out of there feeling like a million bucks!

I know laughter is supposed to be the best medicine, but I think flirting might be a damm close second!

JOKE OF THE DAY

On the way home from the Doctor, today, I was still feeling good from the aforementioned flirting, and perhaps feeling a bit froggy. As I got within about 10 minutes from the house I saw a site that is common in the Spring and the Summer – a pickup truck with a crudely made sign advertising the owner’s wares – CRABS.

I guess I couldn’t help myself as I passed his spot – I yelled out my window “Hey! I’ve got crabs too!” Probably not the first time he’s heard that, but I thank the man for feigning amusement.

TODAY’S WORKOUT

Pretty short today. Got warmed up, then basically did lap around the inside of the house for 15-20 minutes. A cooldown walk outside followed. It was short but I had things to get to and frankly, I was pretty wore out. I figured I would get some more exercise in later – I need to be walking at least twice a day, for training – but I’ve been ridiculously sore all day, to the point where I must have looked a sight to anyone peeking in the exam room at the Doctor’s office, contorting myself as I was, to try to stretch out the pain surrounding my hip.

When I got home I mentioned it to my sister’s friend, Marcie, who pointed out what I should have known – the damm weather. Once again, precipitation is playing havoc on my joints and the surrounding area – my hip being chief among the complaining bodily components. I suppose it doesn’t help that I may have overdone the stretching a bit. Well, you reap what you sow. I’ll simply have to be more careful tomorrow and schedule a walk later in the day. If I have to run through my mantra again for that second walk, or adjust it for an afternoon/evening workout, then that’s just what I’ll have to do.

TODAY’S SPECIAL

1 Fat Girl Shrinking has to endure a major setback.

I don’t think I’ve shared anything from The Running Thriver before, but she’s pretty kick-ass in her determination to physically better ourselves. Although, we all need succumb to a little indulgence now and then.

NK24/7 Delivers again (or rather, delivered about 10 days ago… sorry I’m just getting around to putting it up) with an awesome article about those processed foods that we’ve all because accustomed to. Break the pattern!

By the way, whole, dry wheatberries are about as far from processed foods as you can get.

 

SOME THINGS BEAUTIFUL

I think this shot on Photobotos (who are supplying both images, yet again. I swear, I’ll find a new source to supplement the awe they provide us with soon) defines serenity. So calm and peaceful. Love it!

This was posted yesterday and I just knew I’d have to share it.

by gendjlee on March 21, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Weight Loss, Medical Care, Exercise, Happy Crap
Tagged , , , ,

Posted by gendjlee on March 21, 2012

http://exercisedammit.com/2012/03/21/flirt-your-way-to-health/